There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
