you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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