he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
