we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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