That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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