He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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