he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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