My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
