from now on my penis is your penis
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
