I just found puke in my bra..
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
