My balls are so social today.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Dick very happy bro
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
