saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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