new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
