I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
