Is it normal to miss your booty call?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
