Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
