New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
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