Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
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my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
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Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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