I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
