So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
