and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
