I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
