No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize