I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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