Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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