You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
