she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?