"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.