We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
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yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
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So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard