I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
