You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
