I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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