I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
