If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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