Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
