The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
