I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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