This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
