Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
