grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
