i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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