Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
