yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
