God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
And then my night got REAL pukey
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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