my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
