you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
