Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
