u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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