you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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