so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
