you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
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But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
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you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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