i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
