im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
