hotel room ftw
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
where are you?
Hypothermia
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize