mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
