I saw his package. It spoke to me.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
