I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
