Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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