Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
