see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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