Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
