Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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