Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
