Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
