If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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