Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
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We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
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Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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